So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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