so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
