her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
