if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
