i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
