New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
