no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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