i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize