I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
try to milk me bitch
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