YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
