I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
