Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
