but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
