so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
