Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
