i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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