this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
