o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
