Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
