Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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