if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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