ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
