I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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