I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
