My liver just broke up with me...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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