the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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