Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
