u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
