Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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