apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
