I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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