I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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