dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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