careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
