I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
