This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
