So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
