Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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