The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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