my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
