his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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