She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
