Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
