I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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