Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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