Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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