There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
