soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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