Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
