It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
