swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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