Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
