So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
