she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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