I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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