I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
