And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
