i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
