I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
