where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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