The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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