Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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