1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
