you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
