Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
