theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
