Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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