what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
