Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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