She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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