i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
