I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize