he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
