Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
