I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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