So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
