ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
