So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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