the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize