A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i will never coherently bang her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
