So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
